when the search ends...

profound procrastination in retrospect

2006-10-21T15:52:47Z

Cawwwww:
Long-awaited suspensful anti-climactic tag line for an excuse to dub over a lame URL link RAWR!!!!

So yeah... I woke up at before 6 to write a paper for a friend on T.S. Eliot's 'Prufrock' - turns out I managed to meld it into an amaglam of existentialist Hamlet postulations and reaccounted personal experience.

And for some reason, I couldn't believe I wrote it, as was the answer, or critique rather, to all the questions we've posited about life and our understanding and growth and endless dreaming.

I might have very well centered the story on the hopeless romantic in all of us.

The 'answer' is one of many and sophmoric despite epiphanic origins. As with all advice and evolved a posteriori knowledge, this must be taken with that proverbial grain of salt- either let life overwhelm you as a fin-de-siècle submission or take it in for what its worth, dance with it, and find your groove. Realize your strengths and cling to that underbelly no matter what turns she takes.

Find the milk, suckle, and grow.
I wish you the best, always.

k

krizkringle @ 2006-09-13T16:38:00

2006-09-13T20:47:48Z

live..who?

ha.
livejournal.
my long lost love.

um yeah.
i am drawing... sleeping... in my longest relationship ever (combine all my previous ones and exponentiate...)... i got my voice back and 'Unity' may kick off within the next decade :P... paul and jess are still beautiful... dustin is sexy as hell, but i never get to see ambular... my bro is gettin old... i want to write and i want to read more, just have to sit down and do it so i can prep. my portfolio... i've been glossing over old wounds and rekindling lost friendships... I work my ass off at work, where i am writing this now... my family is goin strong... religion is a must, thank God for our health and happines... i'm leading a team of artists on a comic called 'Widow's'... i play video games with a bunch of boys to act our shoe sizes... i'm keen on keeping my health, smoke, herb, anything free since 1942... and i've got enough passion to throw around that i may join jiu-jitsu with boys to add to a strict regimen of basic training workouts that make me walk like i'm 82.

and... you know...
it ain't the 1st of the month nor the 1st of the year...
so maybe... just maybe...
this ain't no new year's resolution that will sour faster than you can start it... so maybe... just maybe... it'll work.

if not.
it's all good.

welcome to the normal world.

take it in

2006-01-27T23:37:02Z

and the last days begin...
the innocence of ignorance begins to fade slowly and what comes next... is yet another step in learning to walk.
to the past, to regrets, to the memories... i bid thee farewell.
i won't forget you.

so what do you want to be when you grow up?!
an astronaut... i'm a certified space cadet and i'll dream till tomorrow comes.

krizkringle @ 2006-01-12T17:31:00

2006-01-12T23:01:43Z

Lol. paul told me to update.
well here you go bro.

My Update
thank you and god bless.

Good bye. Have a nice life... :)

But I'll leave you with this:
-Paul is an ass for telling me Dumbledore dies in the 6th Harry Potter book...

-Jess's mom has definitely got it going on (that woman loves wrestling) - Hope you turn out like her Jess!

-We finally saw shaggy b... i mean, Dexter (aKa Dustin "We're gettin crunk" Tunick)... now we just gotta see Ambular if Dustizzle remembers to ask her to come out with us on Saturday for the tripod triple date...

-Duke's makin me workout to be a Kung Fu homeless chinese moviestar...

-My first kid's name evidently is gonna be Mulan (for a girl) and Pinocchio/Jimminy (boy) - thanks paul... thanks. P.s. You're first boy's name will be La Fonda (pronounced La FaWn-duH)

-Rachel needs to get me new music

-We gotta find Sabado a little Sabadita :)

-Where is Nessa?!?! i feel lost without my 5pod

-I gradutate in 4 months and still don't know what i'll do. I might go abroad for a few months (3) tho' to fight against Polio (not kidding). Then i'll come back for the LSATs and GREs (don't worry Duke, i'm not considering Law too much)... or i'll stop learning altogether and become a masseur. :)

-I'm happy... with a certain girl who is just as big a dork as me...

Tomorrow, Friday 13th (ha) we're gonna go see Tristan and Isolde (already saw Casanova) Gaaagggg!
Lets make it a date night!!! Hope you guys can come out :)

Make the most of your time and enjoy every second we have.
Live.
Love.
Unity.

holy shit. holy shit. holy shit.

2005-12-05T02:27:26Z

Your Birthdate: May 3

You are more than a big ball of energy - you are a big ball of hyper.
You are always on the go, but you don't have a type a personality.
Instead of channeling your energy into work, you instead go for fun and adventure.
Witty and verbal, you can have an interesting conversation with anyone.

Your strength: Your larger than life imagination

Your weakness: You tend to be pretty scattered

Your power color: Lime

Your power symbol: Lightening bolt

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

cresting...

2005-11-01T17:42:22Z

so... i'm at the point where i feel productive and can accomplish anything.
what happens when i fall back into that slump.

Getting unity running... catchin up on school, work, family.
once we compete next weekend in florida, wow... complete lockdown on kris.

And i'm still on the fence - the heart flutters but the defenses are going up nonetheless.
i like this one guys.

oh ya... call this number for the time being.
404.394.5029

no sleeepppppp - delirious

2005-10-12T11:42:04Z

don't ask. i won't tell.

FACT:You embody the German principle of Konstantzusammenschaft, which is best described in English (without using the obscure English word "sammenschaft") as "eternal togethermanship".

The Loverboy
Random Gentle Love Master (RGLMm)

Well-liked. Well-established. You are The Loverboy. Loverboys thrive in committed, steady relationships--as opposed to, say, Playboys, who want sex without too much attachment.

You've had many relationships and nearly all of them have been successful. You're a nice guy, you know the ropes, and even if you can be a little hasty with decisions, most girls think of you as a total catch. Your hastiness comes off as spontaneity most of the time anyhow, making you especially popular in your circle of friends, too.

Your exact opposite:
The Billy Goat

Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer

You know not to make the typical Loverboy mistake of choosing someone who appreciates your good humor and popularity, but who offers nothing in return. You belong with someone outgoing, independent, and creative. Otherwise, you'll get bored. And then instead of surprising her with flowers or a practical joke, you'll surprise her by leaving.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Window Shopper, The Peach

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: fut-a-fut

i don't agree with some of it - in fact, some is completely not me... for instance the "most of your relationships have been successdul" part - if you count brevity, then fine.

but most of it is hella true.
i'm def a dreamer tho, not a master.
loverboy... muwhaha... "whore with a golden heart" eh paul?

Try this one on for size

2005-10-08T19:15:47Z

So... you'll never guess what this is... muwhaha...

its starts off easy... i chose questions i am most curious about you guys and would like to hear - and through this, i think we could learn a lot about each other (even if we are all already close...)

answer them if you have time add any questions you might have for us...
if its extra, put them as your questions at the end, then we'll answer as a reply under your response.

-lunch with any two people, who would they be?
It'd be with my grandpa and my kid (both of which are nonexistant...) - say that cause my grandpa (mom's side) died long before i was born, and my relatives always compared me to him - saying that i even look like him, so closely that i made his old friends cry when i met them as a kid. Consequently, i would him to not only meet me, but my kid who i will tell stories of the person i admired the most.

-where do you see yourself in 3 years?
i'm not sure anymore, i once told a friend that i wanted to leave atl... but then i've known all along, you don't have to leave home to find yourself. i had a tendency of running away from problems, so maybe i will stay here. but i may leave for peace corps (for 2 years) after takin LSATs and i'll see you guys in 3 years.

-what about kids? how old will you be?
ya i want kids - i always wanted to be a young parent like my own parents and have the chance to grow up with my kids, but the way things are turning out, i prolly won't be doing this until i'm 30.

-what will your wedding look like?
wow, i can't believe i wrote this, although i would love to have it back home in philippines on one the islands my family owns... entire families would be there, closest friends, and then we'd all be happy... and just for once, i'd like for them all to relax, together.

-dream home?
as a kid i use to dream of making my own home with my brother (who would make his own) - then we'd have this wing connect our houses...
and growing up up more, i wanted to live in a house with my best friends (i've done this already with paul) but i'd like another shot at it.

-ok, what about the place you will actually have in 5 years?
ha, i'll prolly move into the condo at emory if my mom hasn't sold it by then - and that'll mean i will be living out of the atl.

-if you could go back in the past and change one thing, what is it? (you have to answer it: all ifs, ands, or buts aside)
hmm, i'd like to go back and take my mom's suffering away, i know it made her stronger, but she wasn't living when she was like that.

-life? philosophize in one long sentence, sophomoric as we sound, do it
i always say to live life without regrets and to hold every moment as the best moment of your life... and i always try to right every wrong i have done - i want to be right with everyone before i die - but then i learned that actions only really matter in our world, that instead - who we are inside matters most to HIM - so i am stuck trying to be both.

-what do you dream about?
i'm always with people i care about.. and things are always perfect... and then i wake up.

-you know when you get that feeling before you go to bed, the one where you just wanna call someone special or wish they would rather be ther with you so you could hold them? what do you do?
when i had someone, i would call them... i am talking to someone now, but now, i am more use to it (i think), so instead, i pray and pass out almost immediately.

-what is your worst character flaw? (you are your worst critic, truth hurts, let it out)
i still have horrible followthrough - i have a lot of passion and motivation, but as hard as i try, i falter... and people get hurt/lose trust in me along the way.

-would you tell your love your darkest secrets?
if i can admit it to myself, i would tell her.

-can love be measured by loss?
yes, someone can lose someone they love, or lost so many loves in their life that their love grows for them, hoping either to make them proud or to see them soon.

-how do you let out stress?
i taught myself to wail, and it helps me to release some emotion. i'm not as good at it as i was before i left - but i always fall back on slowed breathing...

-one song - one - that describes you or evokes emotions most from you
"when i go down" relient k

-one inanimate object you'd take to 'utopia'
i can't believe i wrote this - a stuffed seal a friend once gave me - it came with me everywhere since i've had it

-dreamer, fighter, lover, or realist?
dreamer always, my imagination presents a life outside my own

-one picture you have kept over the years?
a picture of a friend i've known since 5th grade, its her smiling back in 9th grade.

-whats a memory you hold fondest from your childhood?
when i was 10 i moved back to the philippines and became close with an uncle (who was 13 at the time) and he and i were inseperable... the day i had to leave back for the states, he was stuck in a test, and as i was about to get on the plane, he comes running through the airport and slams up against the glass... he was crying on one side and i was crying on the other and it was too late.

-be drawn, written in a song/poem about, photographed, or dreamt of (as in sleep dream)?
i guess be drawn, i know how intricate and how much a person can put into a drawing (same goes for the poem) but i'd like more importantly to see how the person sees me.

-so you're crushing hard, what do you do?
i am a hypocrite cause i hesitate (as in i wait hesitantly) until i know i won't get hurt - i grew into this as a defense mechanism

-one virtue about you?
i care a lot about people and try to be that someone they can rely on no matter what they are going through

-what keeps you going? (not on this survey, in life)
seeing my mom smile

-describe your other - the other that you are searching for (or may have found)
hopefully, she'll be her own person (not what i want her to be) and she and i can just sit there without saying anything and know how each other feels (inwardly)

-what is the perfect date?
being in a situation where there is no awkwardness and you can spend all night talking to her and laughing... walk her home, to have her walk you back... just to make sure you'll be ok... then as the guy, you insist to walk her back home just to spend a little more time with her. too look her in the eyes and know the moment is right... it can happen. just not often.

-why do you listen to the music you listen to?
i switch it to match me emotion or to envoke an emotion - i listen primarily to emo/punk rock and it is packed full of that melodic passion, chords that make you think, and harmonies that make you want to cry

-write for others or yourself?
most likely for others - if it really were for myself, i wouldn't write it cause i think it constantly... but i tend to write in case my memory fails me later.

-last time you cried - why?
i found out one of my best friends was depressed because of a family death to the point of relapsing into a suicidal modes from his/her youth. it hurt cause i wasn't supposed to know, so how could i help out a person i cared so much for.

-when was your last love letter?
i chose not to write it... and i think it was for the best.

-how sentimental are you?
pretty damn sentimental, i save stubs and reminders, but i try hardest to remember everymoment of something i deem special.

-what would you do if you saw your ex right now (one that you were serious with)
i would know what to do when i saw her... smile, hug... talk.

-how spontaneous are you?
so spontaneous that i woke up one morning and said i wanted to go to stonehenge, failed to catch the train, so Duke and I pointed randomly on a map and hours later, found ourselves atop a mountain in Wales (see profile pic)

-favorite quote - famous or otherwise?
"Nosce ipsum" - know thyself.

-invincible, invisible, or insane?
it would be lonely to be invisible, but i think i could learn alot observing life as a watcher.

-what animal are you?
lol, i was deemed a butterfly in a past life, and it seems to be resurfacing. i want to fly and i feel that we spend all this time preparing for some great moment... and then like a butterfly we'll emerge beautiful and exist for a brief moment and move on.

-destiny/coincidences/fate/karma - what do you believe in?
i believe in god's plans but at the same time, things happen for a reason and we are presented with opportunities (whether we know it or not) and it is up to us to act

-on that note, why are we here?
to live out a life we are blessed with - go with the flow.

-favorite thing to wake up to?
it use to be a dreamcatcher, then for a while it was a kiss... but its always been my mom waking me up when she wakes up

-whats your take on bush?
wow, just kidding... whats out there in space? (ha, nice save eh?)
hopefully life, if not, its a waste - regardless, its more representation of something beautiful

-monk, president, terrorist, or celebrity?
most definitely a monk... what better way to spend a day than sitting on top of a mountain meditating the intricacies of life?

-you lose one of your five senses, which one is it?
smell. i love everything else, but i am contemplating losing sight.

-last epiphany?
we only get so many chances, don't let anymore pass you by. 'life is too short to be anything but happy' my grasshopper.

-last thing you learned about your friends?
they care and they can still get hurt... and that it will hurt to part with them.

-so you're chilling with you from 5 years ago and you 5 years from now, what happens now?
I'd prolly kick my young self's ass and get mine whooped from 5 years from now... just to wake myself up and live for real.

all my love guys.
kris

krizkringle @ 2005-10-06T14:00:00

2005-10-06T18:01:28Z

Fuckin Hilarious...

all i want for christmas are my two front teethhhhh...

krizkringle @ 2005-10-05T19:03:00

2005-10-05T23:04:22Z

Heather's engageddddd!!!!!!!!
wahhhh, i am sooo happy for my big sis man...

tomorrow... we celebrate. you guys better be there.
International Bowling Alley 9 to 12.

be there or else i will cry... or be very sad.

p.s. all i want for christmas is my two front teefff.
muah!!!

you want emo?

2005-10-02T04:27:33Z

read the title. no more bullshit.

you want real emotion? you want a serious post?

by that, i mean read this.
i'm not making this to make you cry. think of it as a wakeup call.

so, here i was listening to some music on my comp, the kind that just makes you wanna think... i was trying to make a list of the songs that touched me the most - songs that i would want to cover and affect others as it did me...
then i went through this collection of pics i've kept - these pics are taken by photographers across the world (mostly associate press photographers): during wars, tragedies, accidents, births, celebrations, riots...

you know what...
forget it.

words don't suffice.
pictures are worth... whatever, see for yourself.

the words can't even begin to describe how it feels to look at these pics, even if some took place long ago, and to just sit here, staring into my computer screen in an attempt to avoid doing any work - to be here, safe, limbs intact, breathing, with all of my family downstairs... alive. and to think they are millions of pictures like these... archives of this going back... and this happens everyday. yeah we know people are dying left and right, getting sick, murdered, tortured, falling in love, finding love, doing something, doing nothing... just living.

you know where this was headed...

but... i'm not about to make some profound statement.
you will feel whatever it is you feel.
i can't make you do anything.

just think about the world that you know and then open your eyes.
embrace what you have - those you love and those that love you.

thats all we can hope for.
all my love,
kris

if i have to do one more of these...

2005-09-30T20:30:49Z

paulito is hereby cursed for this...
with out furth adoooooo

surveys from hell, part deuxxxxx:

Three Names You Go By
1. Kris to 'normal' peeps (kris may - mom calls me that)
2. Kriztoval
3. kay-ris - to 'abnormal' people

Three Parts of Your Heritage
1. Flip (fun loving islander peeps)
2. chinese, japanese, spanish
3. american raised - but hey, my last name is italian/hispanic eh?

Three Things That Scare You
1. dying alone - but i might change as future nears
2. losing people i love - how emo of you guys
3. never finding some sort of balance

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. singing
2. sleeping
3. seeing my mom (or sleeping, dunno which comes first)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. AE shoes i wore to england and rolled my ankle in 5x now and counting
2. favorite and only corduroys
3. 'waves of hope' band

Three of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists--at the moment
1. emery
2. amber pacific
3. under oath

Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
1. never take friendships personal - amber pacific
2. ponytail parades - emery
3. changes (are no good) - the stills

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. having her truly get me
2. learn something from her - because she can see things differently
3. someone who will like my mommy

Two Truths and a Lie (in no particular order)
1. i like rice
2. i remember my dreams
3. paul is gay
(ha, i know it is hard, but you guys have to follow your gut instinct, sorry 'bout that jess, truth is hard man)

Three Physical Things about The Opposite Sex (or same sex) People that Appeal to You
1. eyes eyes eyes
2. smile (lips)
3. skin (and the nape of the neck)

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. jamming and singing, finding new music
2. dancing/swimming/writing/drawing
3. sleeping before 12

Three Things You want really badly right now
1. own house
2. superpowers - fly first
3. your mom

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. mexico to visit paul's mom
2. home (philippines)
3. back to england

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. make a complete stranger cry with my art (writing, music)
2. make something beautiful - and then destroy it (Dadaism)
3. watch the world change

Three people I would like to see take this quiz
1. ha, SABADITO GIGANTE!!!
2. mannekakara dick hu - DUKE
3. RACHELLLLLL

wow, bored as hell... sooooo...

2005-09-26T21:50:48Z

i blame nessa for putting addicting shit on her lj...

and without further ado...

[[[PAST]]]

[First grade teacher's name:] Mrs. Johnson (Wtf nessa, me too!!! she almost failed me eventhough she treated me like her son)
[Last word you said:] "Wow..."
[Last song you sang:] Refused's "New Noise"
[Last person you hugged:] Sabado - with my mind.
[Last thing you laughed at:] Nessa changing her picture from howie day/ Sabado going on TV
[Last time you said I don’t fucking remember:] to this question (whoever made this... to the moon!!!"
[Last time you cried:] um... almost did today... just don't tell anyone

[[[PRESENT] ] ]

[What's in your CD player:] Matchbook Romance/new Emery/new Deathcab/new 311 (make believe multi-disc changer in my car)
[What color socks are you wearing:] black dress socks (at least i'm wearing socks!)
[What's under your bed:] my climbing bookbag, a ps2, my friend's band's cds (like 30 of them, want one?), and cards i collected as a kid
[What time did you wake up today:] ha, too early - 5, beat the sun
[Current taste:] in my mouth? diet coke. but i mean, i also prefer brunettes.
[Current hair:] long and emo (or asian)
[Current clothes:] my black dress pants, black belt, black dress shoes, white t, and white button up
[Current annoyance:] being misinterpreted for being an asshole
[Current longing:] to feel weightless (to fly or float in water/air)
[Current desktop picture:] sunset pic of me looking out at the "ocean in Scotland"
[Current worry:] how long till this placid life goes haywire - and how will i respond
[Current hate:] vanity
[Current favorite article of clothing:] my bluejacket from Aero (keep all my pins from shows/places i go to with friends)
[Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex:] eyes and smiles (watch those lips curl slowly)
[Last CD that you listened to:] Refused
[Favorite place to be:] wow again... joyriding in wee hours (no one on the road)
[Least favorite place:] any place where i don't want to be
[Time you wake up in the morning:] 6 to 8am
[If you could play an instrument, what would it be:] kazoo (but thats dustins)... violin, i'd make everyone cry... or me.
[Favorite color:] um, clearly dark blue, but black and white are aight
[Do you believe in an afterlife:] yeah, there has to be so much more
[How tall are you?] 5'7"
[Current favorite word/saying:] "ridiculous"
[Favorite book:] Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson
[Favorite season:] Summer
[One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to:] (ouch nessa.. thats deep) my grandpa too tho, he was murdered when my mom was 12, and my relatives say i look like him so much they start to cry everytime they see me
[Favorite day:] graduation day damnit!

[[[FUTURE] ] ]

[Where do you want to go:] to my bed to sleep with the fan blowing
[What is your career going to be like:] i wanted to do the same, teaching kids in inner city schools... but i might overseas and teach, or teach college literature, or go to law school... or be a starving artist - writing, drawing, and singing (paul on la guitarra) its up in the air.
[How many kids do you want:] 2 - boy and girl
[What kind of car will you have:] one that can fly and go underwater - magic school bus!

[[[HAVE YOU EVER...] ] ]

[Said "I love you" and meant it:] Yes...
[Gotten in a fight w/your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc:] ya, but that was years ago. my dog is old and dying now.
[Been to New York?] yea, annual spring break to visit the Sabado residence in Staten Island, Wu-Tang!!!
[Been to Florida?: ] Back when I was younger and was still close to my old best friend.
[San Diego, Cali?: ] yea, i wanna hit up the flip scene there and see what its like
[Hawaii?: ] couldv'e, stayed in atl to be alone
[Mexico?: ] ya, i climbed pyramids and got tripped out listening to Tool
[China?] (ha thailand!!!) yes, but there were too many chinese people everywhere... dunno why
[Canada?] whats that aboot?
[Danced naked?: ] haha, of course
[Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day:] not the next day... months or years later. freaky.
[Wanted to be the opposite sex:] (ha that would be too easy) um, no.
[Had an imaginary friend?] ya, his name is kris

[[[RANDOM] ] ]

[Do you have a crush on someone?] yea, they always tend to be people i don't know
[What book are you reading now?: ] finishing Vonnegut's "Breakfast of Champions" and Milton's "Paradise Lost"
[Worst feeling in the world:] um, loneliness is still up there, being ignored/betrayed is far worse
[What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?] where am i?
[How many rings before you answer?] never answer, just kidding... vibrations man, get it right
[Future daughter's name:] christine
[Future son's name:] hey you! naw, dunno yet.
[Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] um, noo... ok fine, but its not onmy bed anymore... i promise
[If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?] flying in space, teaching kids and seeing them smile,
[Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?: ] righty
[Wish you were here:] wish I was where?
[College plans:] to finish with flying colors and leave with a bang.
[Piercing:] ears

[[[THE EXTRA STUFF] ] ]

[Do you do drugs?] no
[Do you drink:] yes, close friends jack and josé
[Who are your best friends?] lol, my closest LJ buds and some Emory folk
[What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?] Head and shoulder's Refresh
[What are you most scared of?] loosing everyone i love
[What clothes do you sleep in?] none
[Who is the last person that called you?] mah momma
[Where do you want to get married?] on top of a cliff in the middle of an island in italy or Philippines
[If you could change anything about yourself what would that be?] never hurt anyone again
[Who do you really hate?] i quit hating a long time ago
[Favorite number:] 4 or 8
[Been In Love?] won't lie.
[Are You Timely or Always Late:] use to be late, now on time
[Do You Have a Job:] ya
[Do You Like Being Around People:] ha, nessa, great minds think alike , i'm the same - people see me as a social butterfly, but i prefer solitude
[Best feeling in the world:] when you make someone smile... and being alive.
[Are you for world peace:] i wish it'd be possible
[Are you a health freak:] eh, kinda - no cigs for that reason, eat healthy, regular sleep. swim 4 times a week (on top of football and dance practices)... sue me.
[Do you have A "Type" Of Person you always go after:] the ones that get me and like me. :)
[Want Someone You Don't Have Right Now:] its the human condition - but thats cause we desire whats most unobtainable
[Are You Lonely Right Now: ] naw, just bored
[Ever Afraid You'll Never Get Married: ] i'm afraid i'll be old... "old, wrinkly balls..." (big daddy)
[Do You Want To Get Married:] yes, i wanted to be a young parent to grow up with my kids
[Do You Want Kids:] ya, i wanna be the loving father of two gorgeous babies

[[[IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...] ] ]

[cried:] no
[Bought something:] 6 pizzas, with sabado's money
[Gotten Sick:] no
[Sang:] singing right now
[Said I Love you:] to my mom
[Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them:] my lil bro
[Met Someone New:] all the time and will tonight
[Talked To someone:] yes
[Had A Serious Talk: ] yes, i got bitched at by a good friend (twice in a matter of a day by same girl)
[Missed Someone: ] yes, i wanted a hug
[Hugged Someone: ] read my mind, yes
[Kissed Someone: ] right before before i had lunch with sabado

another day has passed us...

2005-09-26T13:03:24Z

"so why should i take your hand if you can't promise happy endings?" - amber pacific

sing that same melody man...
things get so hard sometimes and it seems like everytime you are on top of everything, you finally think you know yourself, your family, life - wow, as daunting as it is - you felt that you had everything down pat and it was just a matter of gliding along those fated winds of time.

then it comes along and pulls you down from the clouds - reality. reality is such a bitch. but at least it is there to check you and to hopefully help you. cause you know you get cocky and think you are the shit.
reality is the person that tells you you're an ass, that you actually look like a tool - so unpop that collar, and that the only thing you love is yourself.

well here's to reality and your wake up calls.

i struggle to put the period at the end of every sentence... it seems so anti-climactic to end everything with a dot... so i don the ellipses because i hate goodbyes... life isn't supposed to end in a full-stop, it does - so maybe i am afraid to call it quits just yet...
i'll save that for another day...

this goes out to all you beautiful couples out there... and you hopeless romantics... you know who you are...
"soul mates never die" placebo

kristoper
risk on rival

hello... goodbye...

2005-09-22T09:15:15Z

no no... no goodbyes.
i've been writing a lot. not journal type stuff, that i've been thinking in my head. Yeeah i know it never works, but so what. i forget it and sometimes, thats all it was ever meant to be, evanescent thoughts that linger on their own accord... eternity in the span of two fingers.

i have yet to dissapear. in fact, i am very much alive. life does have its ups and downs girl, but it def has its moments of sheer beauty. just don't forget those. that is what will get us through the days... the long days ahead of us.

im amassing a good collection of fiction and nonfiction - short stories all...
i wanted to write about some of the adventures in england ( some are inspired by them )
i just wrote one tonight about paulito... and i depressed myself reading it... and i'm the writer.
actually, i want you guys to read it.

just tell me if your game and i will email it to you. or just ask, and i'll send.
all you need is a mug of coffee (or herbal tea), some quiet music (emo works), and a cigarette and in 10 mins. you'll be where i am, or my shoes so to speak.

draw someone you love and look upon your art with a mother's longing...

ode to life

2005-08-29T06:06:59Z

wow... i feel like i never even use this... eventho i am always on here reading everyone else's shit aka profound thoughts and useless banter...

um, i have to say this is most definitely the best summer of my life... and i still have a week to go till school officially starts... but then for what? labor day? life is so freakin exciting right now... just being young, single, and fuckin mellow in a corporate america and i'm still not an asshole, i'd have to say i can be pretty content.

i'm not about to get all deep... i'm just bored that i'm not out there and that i'm sitting here, talking to a fuckin computer. ha.

anyway... i am so bored... don't ask, just read if you really care. i got it from nessa.

A- AREA CODE YOU ARE IN RIGHT NOW: 770... wow, what dumb fuckin question. had i answered this first i would have quit. too bad i started from z. fuck.

B- BIRTHDAY: may 3 and then i will have graduated from a damn good univ that likes to drop in the rankings like a prepubescent boys balls.

C- CURRENT CRUSH: ha, its def not a secret and i think she knows it... too bad she's fuckin leaving for chile in a couple months... oh ya, her name rhymes with gasolina and i love singing her name to that song... oh latinas.

D- FAVORITE DRINK: southern sweet tea and a mojito made with love.

E- EATING CURRENTLY: your mother... naw, nothing and i am fucking hungry right now.

F- FAVORITE FOOD: i found out i can eat anything... especially with ketchup on it. but i don't like sweet pickels. what a waste.

G- WHO DO YOU GO TO FOR ADVICE? umm... god... just ask what would he do and you got your answer.

H- CURRENT HATRED: having to grow up for real

I- I THINK: too much for my own damn good... but i like it and more people should think, it would def decrease the number of stupid people.

J- CURRENT JOB: intern at the Office of Multicultural Programs and Services at Emory... and i love it.

K- ANY KIDS: actually... a lot, most younger friends are considered my kids... and don't forget my little cousins and my god son... they are growing up soooo quickly... damn we are old!

L- I LOVE: laughing, breathing, kissing, smiling faces, (using shit that ends in -ing), laying in bed with someone all day, falling asleep to your friend's stories, and watching the sun/moon rise and set... oh ya, and the altered state you get from mary jane and a long night's rest.

M- FAVORITE MOVIE: toy soldiers and lost boys - 2 movies from the later 80s all about loyalty to your brothers. till death do us part...

N- YOUR PHONE NUMBER: 678.555.fuck you stalker assholes!!!

O- OVER OR UNDER: um, how about a little of both? i like to be adventurous.

P- FAVORITE PERFUME/COLOGNE: girl's hair, when shampooed... oh, i def didn't answer the question. well, you know what? fuck the man. patent the way they smell and thats my answer.

Q- A LITTLE QUIRK ABOUT YOURSELF: (wow nessa, i didn't know that left side of you thing) but um... i guess being compared to good looking men, cause then i feel like shit.

R- LAST ROAD TRIP: NY with the boys... unless you consider last night with my beautiful MAs in buckhead... that was a blast.

S- DO YOU SMOKE: yes and yes.

T- FAVORITE TV SHOW: simpsons and family guy.

U- COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR: 'birthday cakes?' nessa? wow. um, rockin the basketball shorts commando. no better way.

V- LAST TIME YOU WERE IN VEGAS: never... dunno if i wanna waste the money either... but i know we'd fuck that place up.

W- WISHFUL THINKING: i had to one up nessa's wish 'to call someone before goin to bed' by wanting to hold someone before sleeping... and being able to wake up next to her

X- X-RAYS TAKEN THIS YEAR: what the fuck?

Y- YOUR FAVORITE YEAR OF YOUR LIFE: "The past yr without a doubt. I've done a lot of living, learning, and growing. I love who I am and I know what I am looking for. I won't settle for less than that." nessa said that... and fuck... you took the words right out of my mouth girl... well, except i can't wait to see what the hell the rest of life has to offer, cause damn i am as giddy as a little school boy right about now.

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: taurusssss, i'm a bull bitch...

anyway, school starts soon and i am really excited to kick some ass and see whats to come in the next chapter of our lives.

I HOPE TO ...
make music with my bro paulito...
watch my lil bro grow into a gorgeous man...
love someone and not be afraid to let her know...
make them parents smile...
not stress about stupid people nor stupid superficial shit...
learn and grow more...
sing, play music, be healthier, finally get ripped and get my lungs back, make love like none other, and to go out with a fuckin blast.

here's to life.
the world is ours.

all my love...

krizkringle @ 2005-08-10T01:48:00

2005-08-10T00:48:17Z

we all run around tryin to find out who we are... and we worry about who we are...
what we'll do when we see who we become...

when all you really had to do... was nothing.
by nothing i don't mean sitting there on your ass depressed eating your kfc and m&m's...
but doing your own thing. doing what you love... doing whatever it is that makes you smile.
all you have to do is breathe... live as if every moment of your life is your last, not dreading it, but treating it as the best time of your life.

you'll be so high on life that you can't help but know that something is different.
happiness is relative to the person, but we all want that second of complete ease, the inner chest loosens as a cool breath trickles down your lungs, that you smile without even moving your face to do it, that you can still think of something that means something to you...

that you can still say you haven't given up on life, destiny, god, fate, chance, ms. pacman, or even eduardo cardona... that there is still a chance that good things will come... that we find and embrace the love(s) of our lives and (amidst all the bullshit i could have said) find some content and understanding with yourself to be able to move forward... damn Lauren hill and Bob marley are amazing - "i want to give you summer lovin'... i want to give you some good loving..."

to have hope left even when all hell is loosed from her box... that we keep that hope.
i mean, if we didn't have that hope, then whats the use?

---a play in 1 paragraph---
dark. dance in your mind, close your eyes and hear the voices echo as the band plays their jazzy groovy piece, cigarette smoke curls around your finger and dissapears with your shot... its mexican tequila... 'to the brothers' you silently whisper and tilt your shotglass. you pour a drop to the floor as you wipe the tear away. grit your teeth. 'from another mother man, brothers from another mother.' and go. mmm. just like a virgin... run for the lime. pussy, like the first time. oh shit. memories wash over you and you're no longer alone. you're home... check, please.

p.s.
"groove baby...
i feel like the music sounds better with you...
love might bring us back together...
i feel so good..."

oh daft punk and stardust. i love disco. i'm out!

fuckin cunt... cunt cunt cunt!

2005-08-04T12:18:53Z

Mind the title, haha, we were all up till 7 this morning fuckin partyin and this brit i was with went off on this french guy, you should have been here... they were like little boys trying to compare whose birdie was bigger... all they were yelling were fuckin insults back and forth... but i can't be fucked to write them out, haha...

that was there just to waste your time.
have a nice life.

haha, just kidding... yo, get this...
SALSA NIGHT BITCHES!!! (fucked took me 5 times to type it)
imagine a latino night here in the heart of Oxford... holy fuckin shit, i didn't know so many fuckin latinos were squatting around here, i mean, fuck, they brought out the spice in the night man... salsa was amazing... i know i am not good as our mexican friend paulito over there, but damn, we tore that shit up...
so i was dancing with Sharon, this dance major who also is well-versed in her -how should i say it - black people dance. haha, so me and her repped Atl to these little bitches that were tryin to c-walk in london... and it was me and sharon vs a thron of slutty playboy wanna bes and semighetto youth of england... THAT was interesting, apart from seeing 5 good caribbean dancers in all of england, 1 slutty bunny feeling me up (she was tryint o get my attention i guess, i never even looked at her thats why... the love of the dance man...), and sharon getting gang-raped dance because i threw her to the dogs, atlanta would be proud... eassst siiide. never again.

so ya, it was salsa and hip hop from 11 to 3 and holy shit, this is how fun clubs are supposed to be you american wankers!!! it wasn't this caddy bullshit and fuck, everyone danced with everyone here... and they don't have testorony fuckin bouncers to kick you out when you want to get on stage and show a whole crowd of latinoes how NOT to salsa with two amazingly gorgeous women (my friends of course) who CAN dance. Its ok, i made up for it... do the rock away... and they made it look good. oh ya, its all in the hips bitches...

so ya (fuck i can't belive i typed so ya twice already) everyone was fucked up in the VIP room, i mean, listen, we rolled about 17 deep, and these kids are mini-ballers... there were like 3 coke&rum, 3 coke&jack, 5 pints of beers, 3 long islands, 2 moroccan iceteas, and 3 wine bottles cooling in ice on the table everytime i went there. but its aight, i repped our crew and bought me a nice tequila shot to start the salsa love... and came back to the table for free drinks... no body ever claimed more than half the drink on the table, so, kris, the most energetic little fuck, drank all of them.

anyway, after teaching these kids how to slowdance and ramba, and storming the boys bathroom with 2 girls... and trying to leave the club and being stopped for having talented friends and that im a lucky guy... we finally get out and its fuckin mayhem, drunk mother fuckers everywhere!!!!

shit doesn't end there... i met up with eveline and we were all chillin in the heart of oxford until we ran by my room, picked up 12 stella artois (lager from brussels), and went back to eveline's with 5 of her friends and me and karim. anyway, we smoked like there was no tomorrow, played GTA San Andreas, had wrestling matches with grown fuckin men, found out british boys are all fuckin mental (crazy)... we eventually passed out. at 7. with a boner and alone in christine's room (oh christine is my new friend... funny thing is, she is one of my best friend's best friend, and it makes it all ok... :) haha, but nothing will come of it, she just went back to hong kong to visit some family, and once i am back in atl, she'll be back in london... fuck. fuck fuck fuck, why does this alwys fucking happen. i am an asssshole!!!)

ya i passed the fuck out. and dreams away.

i woke up, found out i no longer have the ability to get it up... HA, just kidding, are you kidding? naw, i just found out i have no singing voice anymore, not that i did :(, but i officially should never sing again. a month of not singing def fucks you over. a lot. i sound like a constipated frog on caffeine. weird if you imagine it. oh ya, add "there a potato up its ass" and its british.. haha, that is their expression for stuck up with someone having "something stuck up their ass"... whatever, but a potato. fuck, imagine how much that would hurt... haha.

anyway... this is the most pointless post you may ever get. i typed it in 5 minutes after wake and baking in this beautiful england sunny day listening to my favorite bands and walking around the pad in my boxers, a wife beater, and a black dress socks. i am so relaxed.... this is life... i want to sing, i want to run, i want to feel the breeze, i want to fly, i want to love, i want to breathe, i want to feel, i want to cry, i want to hold your hand, i want to show you i care, i want to be there, i want to die happy, i don't want to die alone but can accept it if i die, i want to make sure i die being right with god and every person i have interacted with and connected with (only if i care about them or have also wronged them), i want to learn about this life, these hands, what they can do, with any motivation, direction, passion. i am a hopeless romantic, i will dream forever. i realize that now. i have fits of confidence and insecurity where i think i am scum. the rollercoaster emotions, love and depression, amazing days and the depressing melancholish wet of those cliched cloudy days.

i don't know me yet, i don't know anything yet. but i want to be there. i don't want to get lost i just want to be comfortable when i have no footing, noone to go to, when i am the only thing i can depend on... i want to prepare for that... and in many ways, that could be what life is like... i fear the truth is, it is like we are preparing all that for death, when we are finally alone, but never alone. we will be forgotten and maybe we won't. but the point is, it is comforting to know it is a cycle and if we are meant to go somewhere else, then thats that.

we'll all meet again. it is never goodbye. just take care until we next meet.
all my love...
viva bolivia! and dustin's sweet ass and to sabado's mother and duke's dad, and to jess' tikiman air freshener, to nessa's country boots, and to all the mothers out there.

vaya con dios.
walk away when the night is over.

a mother's first born.

krizkringle @ 2005-07-31T22:15:00

2005-07-31T21:20:50Z

life so occupied by english papers...

i will write more...
ok i lied, i won't but one day you'll hear about it...

sunrises and sunsets and moonrises and moonsets on a scottish mountain or from a castle or my humble little room...
this place is pretty damn enchanting...
but it can get lonely getting lost all by yourself...

i've learned that you have to devoid of any dependency to truly have your own strength and to really stand on your own two feet... even if you have to crawl, it doesn't matter. you are still going somewhere.

oh, that wasn't really a metaphor for having direction in life, i was just too lazy to type that out.
my american sarcasm is takin a shot in the yarballs for the worst... brits are draining me of my american humor... turning into a pikey... and losin my southern accent... wantin fish and chips ya, and lager and cider mixed with blackcurrant to get proper loaded and fucked... avoidin them buses drivin on the wrong side of road, and them drunk blokes asking me if i want to shag the queen... this place is striaght twisted, innit?

latas!

fuckin kill me now. i don't wanna come back with an "accent"

krizkringle @ 2005-07-26T03:06:00

2005-07-26T02:09:30Z

wow. scotland was amazing.
but i had an accident and fell of a mountain.
and died.

actually i straightup faceplanted into a rock and now i look like i just got my ass whooped by a hockey player. i got so delirious i started singing "all i want for christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth..."

sigh... that shit hurts.
but ya, i fuckin chipped my front right tooth really badly, and yeah. thats that.

i'm alive tho. wow. memories man. memories.

cross-posting jetsetter...

2005-07-02T03:45:10Z

so yeah. flight leaves for london tomorrow afternoon.. my room looks worse than when those punks toilet-papered/q-tipped/cotton swabbed/flossed/ and toothpasted my room. i saw the video and it was fuckin hilarious. i wish i could have pics ready for you... but i don't.

but i love all of you that came... you know who you are... and i am so happy i had you guys there with me. unfortunately i was on the phone the entire length of the party... which, fortunately enough, kept me from being plastered retards that were so fucked up they forgot which way "a [lowercase] 'd' was supposed to go" - ramiro on the video.

i wouldn't take back what has happened to me in the past couple of months back... come to think of it, anything. i am so content with what i have... and it has taken me a long time to realize that i am just this sappy, pitiful dreamer who longs to romanticize life so that i don't actually have to live it. but then i miss out on the things i teach my grasshoppas to take advantage of... which is every second they have... to hold every present moment as the best moment of your life...
so that every moment that has passed was the best moment of your life...
and every moment to come will be the best moment of your life.

you'll see you waste less time being depressed, manic, or dissapointed....
and actually living.

if i dissapear, don't worry.
i plan on doing exactly that when i go to london.

i look forward to everything i will learn there... i have spent months waiting for this... and now i am going.
inpiration, beauty, life. that is all i hope to see.
i will still be searching... but i will still be living my dreams...

balance is key. someone special taught me that.
i will miss you.

cross-post this...

2005-06-23T05:44:11Z

more emo nights during the last days of my summer (which just began?) in atlanta after six flags with the ryans and the kids...

finally freakin saw Nessa at her show, which i was hella late for... cause i ran around all of six flags in the wrong direction (which i blame on her directions, just playin) and you rocked my country boots off... glad i finally saw you.

~
london, being as depressing and crazy as i know it to be, should be an interesting change of environment to finding something...

passion - for the arts, for emotions, for the future, for the heart, for life...
getting the music in my head on paper...
broaden my philosophy - existentialist, theology, human social interaction and psyche.

to be a no-body amidst a crowd of unknown faces, to blend in, to be nothing, to know no one, to be held back, down, or affected (personally) by anyone.
to just be.

nothing big...
you'll hear from me when i am gone. i'll be cross-posting without a care in here and my xanga (for you punks that care - ahem sabado)

back to the emo with the ryans.

krizkringle @ 2005-06-17T03:24:00

2005-06-17T07:26:14Z

this quote came from Nessa's page...
but i felt i had to expound on it.

"The future is called "perhaps," which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the only important thing is not to allow that to scare you."
~Tennessee Williams, Orpheus Descending, 1957

this is how i live.
i want to look back one day on this life and not have any regrets...
but of course there will be the regrets of something i shouldn't have done...
but then the regret i don't want to have is the one of something i should have done...

where you sit there and wonder, "what if?"
no what ifs.
take chances, our time is short, ask my grasshoppa... and she'll say: "life is too short to be anything but happy"

live.

so i'm gettin on a jetplane to london come july 2... i'm afraid i'll miss rodell's and stacey's engagement (ha jokes)...
but i will go out with a blast with my bro and cacita (and whoever else parties at this shindig cletus!)

but i am taking this trip not hoping to see the world...
but to see something...
anything.
life.

ever wonder what you'll find when the search is over?
chin up, eyes open...
don't blink.
breath.

krizkringle @ 2005-06-15T21:47:00

2005-06-16T01:47:22Z

batman begins: the IMAX experience...
mall of georgia
10 pm thursday 6/16

i'll see you there.

krizkringle @ 2005-05-10T06:38:00

2005-05-10T22:38:39Z

so ya, my birthday was last week (May 3rd) and i had a lil birthday dinner...
if you want to see the rest of the pix, go to Rochelle's xanga

but here are pix...

prom re-visited

oh ya, here's to martin: